How family and friends can help

Disordered Eating
How family and friends can help

Learn about eating disorders. Be familiar with warning signs. An eating disorder is not only a problem but also an attempted solution to a problem. The disordered behavior serves some purpose.
Be honest. Discuss with the person your concern about his or her behavior. Be caring and non-judgmental, but honest and specific.
Encourage and support the person in getting treatment and sticking to it. Assist your friend in getting help. If your friend won’t listen to you and your concerns, you may need to tell someone else – someone who can help. Consider talking to your friend’s parents, a physician, a counselor, a nutritionist, or any trusted adult. Your friend needs as much support and understanding as possible from the people in her life.
Let the person know you care about her as a person, not just her weight and appearance. Be accepting of her as a person.
Be patient. Relapses are normal. Don’t judge, instead be supportive.
Communicate. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings, your fears, frustration, etc., in an honest way without reacting from these feelings. Talk about two or three specific times when you felt concerned, afraid or uneasy because of her eating rituals.
Use “I” statements. For example “I’m concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch. It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.”
Avoid accusations and “You” statements. For example: “You have to eat something! You must be crazy! You’re out of control!”
Avoid giving simple solutions. For example: “If you’d just stop, everything would be fine.”
Listen. Sometimes repeating what the person said lets her know you’re listening and she does not have to be defensive. This can allow her to be more honest and open.
Get support for yourself. You may feel frustrated, enraged, helpless. Find someone; friend, counselor, or supervisor that you can talk to openly and receive support.

DON’T

Don’t focus on eating and weight. She needs people to respond to her other than her weight or eating behavior.
Don’t play nutritionist or give food and nutrition-related advice. She already has strong feelings and ideas about foods (many may be myths) and is often very rigid here. Remember, the disorder is an attempted solution.
Don’t play counselor. Express your concern for her happiness, but be ready to recommend and help her find counseling, and be supportive.
Don’t be argumentative. This can make both of you be defensive. If you feel drawn into an argument or your anger and frustration is taking over, try to find another time to talk.
Don’t blame yourself or others. Blaming or feeling guilty is nonproductive. Offer your concern and support, suggest how and where to seek help, but accept your limitations and the other person’s responsibility. You cannot force someone to seek help, change their habits or adjust their attitude.

Florida State University Resources
Student Counseling Center 850-644-2003
Nutrition Services, Thagard Health Center 850-644-8871
General Medical Clinic, Thagard Student Health Center 850-644-2026

Prepared by Amy Foster Magnuson, MS, LD/N
References include: Student Counseling Center, Thagard Student Health Center. EDAP: Eating Disorders Awareness & Prevention, Inc. at 603 Stewart St., Suite 803, Seattle, WA 98101
Journal of the American Dietetic Association Position Statement on Nutrition Intervention in the Treatment of anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating, August 1994, V 94, No 8.