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How do I talk with my partner about getting tested?
Talking to your partner about an HIV test may seem uncomfortable, but consider the alternative. Your partner probably wants to discuss it too but is just as nervous about broaching the subject. Here are some keys to make it go smoothly:
-
Discuss getting tested before having sex. If you and your partner know your status, sex will be less stressful and more enjoyable. Don’t forget, if either of you has any risks in the 3 months prior to your test, you will need to use condoms until your 3 month window is closed.
-
Pick the right time and place for the discussion. The conversation is more likely to go smoothly if you are both comfortable, so make sure you have privacy and enough time to talk it out. Let your partner know that you care about them, as well as yourself, and because of that you want to take care of your health.
-
Practice. If you’re nervous about your partner’s reaction, practice what you’re going to say with a friend or someone else you trust. Reverse roles and pretend you are your partner; this might help you be prepared for their reactions.
-
Get tested together. Suggest that you make appointments to get tested together; this shows your partner that your motive is care and respect, rather than distrust.
-
Be firm. If your partner refuses to get tested and/or does not support your decision to get tested, you should seriously reconsider being sexually active with them. HIV is a life-threatening virus and will change your life. You have a right to expect that your sexual partners do what they can to minimize your risk. Never have unprotected sex with a person who won’t consent to an HIV test.
What to say when your partner won’t get tested…
(Their excuse)
“
I just got tested, like, last semester, so I don’t need another
one.”
(Your response)
“If you’ve been with anyone else since then, or your 3 month window
wasn’t closed, it’s possible you’re infected despite your
last negative test.”
or “I
know, but I could really use the support. It would make me
feel good for us to go
through this together. Please?”
(Their excuse)
“
I’m a virgin. I don’t need a test.”
(Your response)
“
Even virgins can have HIV. If you’ve ever had oral sex, you’re
at risk. And you can get HIV through needles. So if you’ve
had a blood transfusion or worked in health care, you are at risk.
Come with me to get tested and let the counselor decide whether or
not you’re at risk. If they say you’re not, then you
don’t have to get it done.”
(Their excuse)
“
I know all the people I’ve slept with. I don’t need to
get tested.”
(Your response)
“
You may know them, but chances are they didn’t even know their
own status. 1/3 of people with HIV don’t even know they have
it. Let’s get tested together and find out for sure.”
Alcohol & Drugs / Gambling & Financial
Wellness / General
Wellness Topics / HIV & AIDS /
Minority
Health / Nutrition / Peer
Health Educators / Sexual
Health / Tobacco
Use
